It's not 'eyb to talk about your mental health
I once shied away from being open about my mental health. But those days are over.
Hello and welcome back to ‘Eyb, the newsletter where I talk openly about topics that are traditionally taboo for women from the Middle East.
This week I’m talking about mental health, because to be honest, my mental health isn’t great at the moment, and I’m not afraid to say it.
Last month I read this brilliant article by journalist and author Mariam Khan, “Finding A Therapist As A Muslim Is Hard - But There Is Hope” which summed up my worries when thinking about finding a therapist. If I was to start talking therapy with a non-Muslim therapist I’d have to begin with a preamble about my faith, and they may not understand various cultural and religious expectations. Some Muslim women are also worried that if they discuss family issues with a non-Muslim therapist, that they will give the therapist a negative image of the Muslim community, and this fear binds them into silence.
But to be quite frank, I even worry about getting a Muslim therapist. Would they be judgmental? Would they tell me off? Would they tell me that the answer to my woes lies in having stronger faith?
During the 15 years I lived in Qatar, I had never been to a therapist, but I had been to several psychiatrists. During the time I lived there, there were 2 psychologists in the entire country. This has recently changed, and there are a growing number of psychologists in this small Gulf emirate. I was recently pleased to find out that there is even a mental health hotline that people can call as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic.
Each time I visited a psychiatrist due to relapses in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or due to chronic anxiety, depression and panic attacks, I was always given statements that were linked to my faith such as “this is the work of Satan,” “you need to have greater faith and trust in God,” and “increase your worship,” then I’d be sent off with a prescription for anti-depressants. Once, a female GP told me, “what are you depressed for, you are beautiful!” If doctors didn’t get it, then who would?
When I spoke to family members, or to some of my peers at university, I’d be told things like “a jinn may have fallen in love with you,” “it’s the evil eye,” and, “this is a test from God.”
The thing is, I do actually find solace and peace in worship and reading/listening to the Qur’an, but this refusal to acknowledge that mental health conditions are real health conditions was baffling. Again, in the last five years or so, attitudes towards mental health (and acknowledging that they are health conditions) have improved in Arab and Muslim communities, and the stigma around talking openly about one’s mental health is slowly starting to fall away.
When the COVID-19 pandemic first hit the UK, I was still taking anti-depressants to control my health OCD and anxiety, and because of that, I managed quite well. If I had not been on the medication, I can only imagine what life may have been like for me - anxiety about catching the virus may have triggered my OCD and resulted in me reverting to compulsive hand-washing, or to believe that every pain, ache, or cough meant I had the virus.
I recently weaned myself off my anti-depressants - I had been on them for three years following a relapse, and one of the side effects has been 30kg of weight gain. Losing that additional weight will now be tough as I have a genetic joint condition that has deteriorated, and high impact exercise is no longer an option. I love my Pilates workout, but it doesn’t burn many calories.
My coming off antidepressants coincided with the announcement of a third national lockdown, and I find myself struggling mentally this time. Waves of anxiety, days that feel dark, and compulsive checking that the oven is switched off and that the front door is locked are some of the things I am currently experiencing. Some days I feel like crawling into bed, pulling the duvet over my head, and pretending that the world doesn’t exist. But I have a mortgage and bills to pay.
At one point in time, I may have been reluctant to talk openly about my mental health, for fear of what people would think of me, fear (believe it or not) that it would damage my marriage prospects, or because I was fed up of being told to just go off and strengthen my faith, but not anymore.
If you are a Muslim looking for a Muslim therapist in the UK, you may find the online directory on the Muslim Counsellor and Psychotherapist Network useful.
What I’ve been reading…
You Exist Too Much by Zaina Arafat (Little Brown Group) - I read this book in one sitting, no lie! This raw and heartfelt novel tells the story of a young bi-sexual Palestinian American woman who has checked herself into rehab for a love and sex addiction. An important story about being Muslim, Arab, and queer.
How We Met by Huma Qureshi (Elliot & Thompson) - I actually read Huma’s memoir a couple of months ago, but wanted to shout out about it again because it comes out on 28th January 2021! A beautifully written, tear-jerking and thoughtful tale of how Huma juggled her family’s expectations alongside the ambitions and desires she had for herself, and what happened when she fell in love with a man who wasn’t from her faith or cultural background. I finished this in two sittings!
What I’ve been listening to…
Brain wave music and ocean sounds - yep, you read it right. I have found that binaural beats, also called brain wave music, and this particular soothing ocean music track on YouTube actually calm me down during a panic attack. I wanted to share this with you all in the hope it might help.
What I’ve been watching…
This weekend I binge-watched an excellent documentary series on All 4 called Council House Britain, which was filmed just before the pandemic. You get an inside view into everyday life for Southwark Council’s workers and residents, and what council housing means to so many people. A fascinating watch.
Image from channel4.com
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