Where Is Noof?
When a society tells you that it is 'eyb to leave your family and country, even when that family abuses you and the country you live in doesn't keep you safe
Welcome back to ‘Eyb, a newsletter in which I write and speak about all the topics I’ve been told were ‘eyb or shameful growing up as a mixed race Arab woman, and where I share life anecdotes despite being told that writing openly about my life is “shameful” and is “airing my dirty laundry.”
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I write today’s newsletter with a sense of urgency. No one has heard from Noof Al Maadeed in 5 days now. Who is Noof Al Maadeed? She is a young Qatari woman who took an incredibly risky journey to escape a violent and abusive household in 2019, because she knew that the authorities and social system in Qatar would not support her in leaving her family nor in enabling her to live independently and out of harm’s way. She took her father’s phone, managed to access the Metrash app, an app from which your male guardian or sponsor can issue and manage your exit and entry to the country, and issued herself an exit visa, before climbing out of her bedroom window, going to the airport, and flying first to the Ukraine and then onto the UK.
Noof was living in the UK and seeking asylum here, and I spoke to her a few times - she was interested in becoming a life coach, and using her experiences to help others. She was one of a few Qatari women who went public with their experiences, spoke up about the guardianship system and lack of women’s rights, and spoke to international media.
Somehow she was persuaded to return to Qatar, and promised by the authorities there that she would be kept safe. People in Qatar took to Twitter to tell her that she was making the right decision by returning, that she had made everyone proud by deciding to come back, and that no harm would come her way. From a series of Instagram Story posts and Tweets from Noof last week, it soon became clear that after her quarantine period at a hotel, she did not feel that the authorities were keeping her safe enough, and that family members including her father were trying to get access to her. She went as far as posting that if she did not post an update on her Instagram Stories that we should know that something has happened to her, or that she had been returned to her family by force, and she expressed her hope that she would be alive for her upcoming 23rd birthday.
Both I and many other women in Qatar who have experienced the guardianship system first-hand are extremely worried about her safety, and fearful of what could happen if she was forced to go back to her family. Being murdered, beaten violently, or put under house arrest are the three things that could happen if she has indeed been made to go back to her abusive family. These are not stories, or things of the past - I personally knew a Qatari man who murdered his own sister in the name of “honour” and got away with it. When I was doing my undergraduate degree at Qatar University, we would hear stories all the time about young women who had been killed, or beaten to a pulp, or at the very least locked up at home and not heard from again, for transgressing social rules.
When a girl or woman is abused and seeks help there, it is often called a “family matter” and social services and counsellors are brought in to try and see if they can “resolve” the situation. It usually ends with the abuser being made to sign a piece of paper called a “ta-ahhudd” or a pledge, promising not to do it again. In rare instances the girl or woman is given refuge at the country’s single refuge centre. In other Gulf countries, sometimes abused women are put into prison for their own safety.
Leading Qatari academic and women’s rights activist Dr Amal Al Malki has said she has spoken to someone reliable who has confirmed Noof is safe, but our question is why does she not have access to her phone to at least tweet or send a DM confirming she is okay?
Arab women, particularly Gulf women, who run away to escape violent and abusive households, are often shamed, slut-shamed, gaslit, and called traitors, especially if they seek asylum in a Western country. An overwhelming number of people in Gulf societies still deem it more acceptable to stay living in a violent and abusive household, than to leave and “shame” their family and their country. In their opinion it is better to stay in a toxic and dangerous living situation than to live the life of “al ghorbah” (i.e. as a foreigner away from your homeland) and compromise their religious and cultural values, customs, and traditions. Many men and female enablers of the patriarchy in the Gulf still insist that guardianship laws protect women and that they are there “for their own good.”
I am hoping and praying that by raising our voices on online platforms and social media, and that by bringing Noof’s case to the attention of international media, (so far the Daily Mail and Middle East Eye have reported on it), that the Qatari authorities will let us know what has happened to Noof, and not allow her to become another missing woman, and another victim of the guardianship system that is an enabler of violence and abuse against women. This is a real test of whether or not Qatar, and other Gulf countries, will pull their socks up and actually do something to protect women.
Please share this and use your voice so that we can find Noof.